


Butterflies

by mercurytea



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Minor Character(s), Pining, Post S3, how does grammar even work, i'd like to introduce tragic yearning, it's like soft but it hurts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-13 12:03:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20582201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mercurytea/pseuds/mercurytea
Summary: It’s been a week. A week since the portal closed. A week without Angella.Adora can't sleep. How could she?





	Butterflies

**Author's Note:**

> hi i'm new lmao  
I was listening to Butterflies by Samsa and it gave me soft, nostalgic vibes so then I got this idea and now I'm sad

It’s past midnight in Bright Moon. She’s been counting the ticks of the clock- every second going by slower than Light Hope’s understanding of human behavior. Adora huffs in frustration, covering her face with the nearest pillow before cursing at whatever celestial power that’s keeping her from falling asleep. She’s splayed out in the bed of her massive room, the blanket is on the floor, and all she hears is her breathing. 

It’s been a week. A week since the portal closed. A week without Angella.

Adora’s been keeping her mind busy with late training, relishing in the strain of her sore muscles rather than the ache of her heart. She needs to be better because there’s no holding back now. When she’s not training she’s holding onto Glimmer whose tears never seem to stop at night. Adora tries not to think back to the way Gimmer’s arms tightened around her body the first night, desperate to keep her close and afraid she was going to leave too. Adora thinks she herself is out of tears at this point. It’s been seven days and this is the first night where she was too tired to be training and Glimmer fell asleep early. And she’s awake. Adora inhales as she rubs her eyes, unintentionally scaring away the tiniest slither of sleep she had left. 

She feels uneasy, a part of her is aching to pick at a scab in her mind. She doesn’t know if it’s some twisted part of her that is curious to see that the wound doesn’t heal properly. For it to scar as a reminder of a mistake she won’t make again.

It’s been a week since the portal was destroyed. A week since she’s felt a cold rage. A week since she had stared Catra down in a silent promise. 

Adora is tired. She comes to the conclusion that she’s definitely tired. Her anger lulled to a temporary sleep thanks to the training she’s been forcing herself to do. She doesn’t know how she’s going to react when she sees those mismatched eyes again. 

Adora shifts a little to avoid being swallowed by the soft bed or maybe because she’s shaking off the dread that came with the thought of having to do something about Catra. She stares up at the high ceiling when she decides she’s not going back on her promise the next time she sees Catra. She's broken so many already she's determined to keep at least one. Rather than dwell on the negative, there’s been too much of that this week, she’d rather reminisce- to remember the old Catra, _her_ Catra, in a more positive light. 

She smiles as she remembers the first interaction they had when Catra was first brought into the Horde. The memory resurfacing as if it was just yesterday. A six-year-old Adora was strolling the maze that was the Fright Zone late at night when she had found herself in the kitchen. She was drawn to a noise in the pantry and decided to investigate; Those princesses could have snuck in to steal the good ration bars and a future cadet like her could not stand for such a crime. With her chest puffed and her best mean face, she approached the pantry. On the count of three, she kicked the swivel door open with her small leg and rushed inside. 

Instead of princesses, she found another kid. She only got a glance of the kid before the said kid got so startled they backed into the shelves lining the back wall with a small hiss, shaking the entire structure and causing the flour stored at the top to drop on their wild mane, covering the room in a cloud of powder with a dull puff. When the cloud dissipated Adora approached slowly, feeling instant regret when she saw the kid was curled into a ball and crying, their face burrowed in their knees. 

“Hey, are you- I’m sorry” Adora tried to console the kid with her arm stretched out. The child took a second to register Adora’s presence and that’s when their ears perked up, small triangular ears swiveled forward. Adora gasped as she hadn’t noticed them before, they must’ve been drawn back in fear.

"Hi, my name's Adora" Adora inhaled her surprise when the kid actually rose their face to look at Adora, giant eyes staring in wonder. Blue and gold eyes met hers and Adora thought they were the prettiest she's ever seen. 

The child sniffled and Adora rushed to sit next to her, already working on getting the white powder out of their hair. Her hair was soft. After a few minutes, the child finally talked.

"I wanna' go home" her voice small and cracked on the word home. Before Adora could ask what she meant she had heard the kitchen doors open. A patrol. Adora stood abruptly and took the girl's hand.  


"C'mon we can't be caught here!" The little girl stood up in a panic, her little tail puffed out.  


They had managed to sneak past and ran back to the barracks, the little girl never letting go of her hand the entire way back. Adora found out the little girl was her new bunkmate and her name was Catra. 

Adora smiles softly when she remembers asking Catra a few years later what exactly she was doing in the pantry of all places. Catra simply grunted that there was a mouse. That simple answer provided Adora with enough material to tease Catra to oblivion. She remembers how Catra’s fur would stand on end at the slightest mention of a rodent, her tail would jerk to attention while her claws unsheathed with the flex of her fingers. It never failed to make her laugh. She adored the defeated sigh that would come after, how an annoyed Catra would roll her eyes before lightly punching Adora in the arm claiming it was just one time. 

Back in the Fright Zone the best moments were when she would make Catra laugh. Adora wanted to keep hearing it every day if it was possible. The memory of having pulled a successful prank on Octavia involving expired ration bars comes to Adora’s mind. After having seen Octavia’s face covered in the gray sludge, Catra guffawed with a hand to her forehead. Adora was laughing too but she was more focused on appreciating the pure joy on Catra’s face, loving how her laugh would start loud, unabashed, then transform into little twinkles of happiness reminding Adora of the bells she’d find in the nearby shops of Bright Moon. Or the way her fangs poked out with each laugh, her eyes crinkled into half-moons, the way her shoulders shook with each note of her laugh. Adora didn’t notice she had stopped laughing and was staring until Catra asked what she was looking at. 

Adora is brought out of her nostalgic trance when she notices her throat is a bit dry. She reaches to the small table next to her bed to find that the glass is void of water. With a sigh, she rises from her bed and makes her way to the kitchen on the other side of the hall. The night air is cold and she shivers at the thought of having to walk to the kitchen barefoot.  


“Oh well,” she mutters.  


It’s quiet and the only company Adora seems to have tonight is her thoughts. She walks by Glimmer’s room and hears light snoring- that’s good, at least somebody is sleeping tonight.  


She continues her way through the grand halls, she knows the path by now and can walk it with her eyes closed if she had to. As she’s walking she remembers the mornings with Catra. The way they would wake up naturally before the harsh alarm blared throughout the Fright Zone, savoring the few moments of peace they had. Adora would wake up first, she always woke up first. The morning would vary; sometimes she would wake Catra up by poking at her face, interrupting the upcoming snore and giggling when Catra would wake with a chirp. Most of the time she’d let Catra sleep in, her gaze studying the relaxed state of her best friend. She found her snoring to be very endearing- it was soft, and she’d feel the light rumble of her chest reverberate on the bed. It was the only time Adora saw Catra without her headpiece. Her hair would cover her face, free from the restriction of the headband and Adora would sometimes reach for the stray hairs and move them away from her face. Adora would always find herself counting the freckles that peppered Catra’s features, her counting would stop near the 35th freckle. Sometimes Adora couldn’t help but reach out and touch Catra’s ears, being extra careful to not wake her up after they would flutter each time her hand would move near them. 

Adora remembers the time she wasn't the one to wake up first. She had been woken up by something tickling her nose. When she opened her eyes she found Catra’s tail swaying back and forth, brushing her nose in the process, Catra was sitting at the edge of the bed.  


“Hey,” Adora started with a yawn “you’re actually awake this time”  


Catra must’ve been deep in her thoughts because she was visibly startled at the sound of Adora’s voice. Catra glanced her way then turned away with a grumble, Adora frowned and shifted so she was sat upright.  


“What’s wrong, Catra?” Adora moved to lay a hand on her shoulder but was stopped by a growling Catra.  


“Hey, c’mon don’t be like that. You know you can talk to me” This wasn’t the first time Catra had acted this way towards Adora. Adora waited patiently as she watched Catra go through a little journey of her own, hesitant to share what was on her mind. Eventually, Catra spoke.  


“I had a nightmare. It was dumb, just forget it” Adora raised her eyebrow, waiting for Catra to give her more information. They stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity, neither wanting to back down from the situation at hand. Eventually, Catra huffed and rolled her eyes in defeat.  


“It was...about Shadow Weaver.” That was all Adora needed to hear before enveloping Catra in a hug. It wasn’t long before she felt her shoulder become wet with tears. Her heart ached to see Catra like this. It never got easier. Each time Catra would expose her vulnerability it pained Adora to see how much she was really hurting on the inside. Shadow Weaver's been hard on everybody ever since Hordak chastised her on her troop's efforts, she's been especially hard on Catra. Her back began to sting from Catra’s claws digging into her but she didn’t care. She just needed to be held right now. She picked up on the sound of Catra mumbling, a second longer and she would’ve missed it.  


“She said that my family threw me away and you would do the same” Adora held on to Catra and assured her she would never. She couldn’t even imagine the possibility in which that would ever happen. Catra was the most important thing in the world for Adora.  


They stayed enveloped in each other for a while, Adora whispering to Catra that she’s always going to be here for her. She had wiped the tears away with a knuckle and didn't even hesitate to kiss her cheek. A foreign warmth settled in her stomach, she thought nothing of it.  


Three days later she was promoted. 

Adora shook her head, not wanting to get into more depressing thoughts. Come to think of it, she doesn’t even remember filling her glass with water or even getting to the kitchen. She downs the water in three gulps, refills the glass and chugged again. Gasping for air she held onto the counter of the kitchen. She really wanted to cry. Adora bitterly laughed at the thought that if Catra were here, she’d be asleep by now.  


Adora walked back to her room, careful to close the door without it squeaking. Crawling into her bed with a sigh, accepting the fact that she would still be awake for the rest of the night.  
She truly does miss the way Catra’s presence would lull her to sleep. She was always warm. It’s funny how they were the first to wake up but the last to fall asleep. They would usually end up in the same position, with Catra sitting behind Adora, reclined against the wall while Adora sat between her legs, her back to Catra’s front. They would exchange hushed words, talking about anything and everything. Often the conversation turned to how they would rule the Fright Zone together. The occasional shush from other cadets would send them into a fit of giggles.  


She misses feeling the weight of Catra’s head on her shoulder, her chin digging into her muscle, when Adora would start playing with her hands. It was a nightly ritual for them; Adora would instinctively reach for one of Catra’s hands mid-conversation and begin to press her thumb to the center of her palm, fascinated in the way her claws would extend and retract, somehow still keeping up with the current topic. Catra would immediately start to purr and Adora would feel the rumble on her back. Her hands were warm. Sometimes Adora would lightly run her fingers over the pads on Catra's fingers, observing with a sleepy gaze the goosebumps that would appear. Adora was always comforted by Catra’s presence, she never knew if it was because her scent reminded her of a world she never knew, a world beyond the Fright Zone, or if she appreciated the sense of stability, it always felt like she was truly safe around her. It could've been a lot of things.  


It wasn’t all happy memories at the Fright Zone either and these memories meant just as much to her as the good times. Back at the Fright Zone everybody seemed to only see Adora as the prodigy, the perfect Horde soldier, and ignored her flaws. Catra wasn’t like everybody. She misses Catra’s brutal honesty. The way Catra would knock her off her high horse in three sentences or less.  


“Adora, stop being an idiot! Just use your head for once in your life, not everything is about brute strength!” Catra yelled at her one day when the mock battle formation had cost them the day’s trial. They were in the locker room, Catra pacing back and forth while Adora leaned against the lockers with her arms crossed.  


“How was I supposed to know there was going to be a flank?” Adora threw her arms up in exasperation.  


“Uh, I don’t know, genius, how about you use that flawless brain of yours?! Or did the drones hit your head too hard?” Catra had said as she approached Adora. She was angry, this was their last chance to impress the drill sergeant so they could finally move up in rank. This was her chance to finally impress everybody. To impress Shadow Weaver.  


“Catra, lay off Adora it wasn’t just her fault” Lonnie piped up from the other side of the locker room. She must’ve heard the yelling and came in just in case things got ugly. Catra spared another glare to Adora before walking out of the locker room, slamming the door on her way out.  


Their arguments weren’t always saved by Lonnie or other cadets. Catra would call out the way Adora would sometimes charge in without a second thought or even judge her sloppy team formations. Adora would be offended at first and push back before realizing she really was being an idiot. Of course, the realization would come after a few hours into the silent treatment but they’d always find themselves huddled together at the end of the day. Or sometimes she would catch Adora in a bad mood and push her buttons to a point where Adora would actually yell back and Catra would finally back off with a smile. Catra was always pushing her beyond her limits.

“She really was looking out for me” Adora whispers to nobody in general. It’s still dark out but Adora can hear the birds begin to sing their song; sunrise would come soon. Her eyes don’t even feel heavy but she’s sure there's going to be dark circles under them. She really hopes there won't be a meeting soon. Her mind begins to wander back to Catra. There’s one more thing she wants to relive, to mourn as she’ll probably never experience it again.  


She misses the way how Catra was observant. She’d always seem to know when Adora was feeling down, offering her leftover ration bars sometimes. How when she would be so focused on the drill briefing on days she actually showed up on time. Her eyes never left the sergeants’, her back ramrod straight like she was waiting for somebody to notice her. Adora always did. Especially during sparring sessions when Adora would be caught in the trance that was Catra. She always moved with such grace, light on her feet but a heavy hitter. There was always this special gleam in Catra’s eyes when she would knock Adora off her feet, something inside her satisfied with her actions. Adora would find that her palms become sweaty and her heart would skip a beat when Catra would tease that she had finally bested her. Adora would never admit it was because she was distracted. Their rivalry on the training grounds was always a force to be reckoned with as they had always found their way back to each other, ready to test their abilities with the other.  


Catra was also oblivious. Adora noticed during lectures that Catra would always throw a glance her way, her gorgeous eyes studying Adora like she was new territory waiting to be explored. Adora kept on writing notes and hoped Catra never caught on that she noticed every glance. Or even when it was late in the night, snuggled together with Adora playing with Catra’s hands sometimes Catra wouldn’t be aware of the times Adora turned her head back to gaze at the bliss on Catra’s face. Even if she did catch Adora looking at her, their eyes wouldn’t leave each other. Their faces were so close that Adora could feel the tickle of Catra's breath on her lips. But Adora could only focus on the way Catra's pupils dilated, waiting on her next move. Adora decides that if she could, she would drown in Catra’s eyes.  


Adora notices that her cheeks feel sore, she hasn’t stopped smiling this entire time. She brings herself not to care. There’s a special feeling in her stomach now, a warmth she hasn’t felt since she had kissed Catra’s tears away. Her mind reels to the conversation she had with Bow when he pulled her aside to talk about a charming villager from Plumeria, the one that gifted him roses with a wink.  


“Butterflies,” Adora says with a smile as she burrows her face in the crook of her elbow. Her stomach fluttered at the word, overjoyed to be finally acknowledged.  


The memories just kept on coming, being viewed in a new light. One after the other and the warmth in her stomach keeps getting stronger. The nostalgia of how things were with Catra isn’t letting her go now that she recognizes the emotion she’s feeling. All of Catra's little quirks suddenly become captivating to her, like a treasure she had overlooked after years at sea.  


It isn’t until she feels a tickling sensation running down her cheek that she starts to laugh. She’s crying. Her lip quivers when the memories become more recent. The sass that came when they would face each other in battle, Catra’s teasing laugh when Adora would miss a swing just like the laughs back in the Fright Zone. The way her tail brushed against her hand when they found themselves trapped in the First One's ruin, gentle as ever. The warmth of her hands when they danced together back at the Princess Prom. She hasn’t changed. Adora can hear her own broken sobs but she’s too deep in her own memories to stop.  


Bow had said that butterflies in your stomach meant you were in love. She chokes out a sad laugh, oh the irony of it all. She remembers kneeling in front of a distorted Catra, surprised that she felt no fear, no anger, just sadness. Even at that point Adora still thought she was gorgeous.  


Adora can’t stop the tears when she comes to the conclusion that she was in love. Not with the old Catra as there was no _old_ Catra. Her Catra is still here and she’s still in love.  


“I’m in love” Adora whispers, she feels so defeated and the butterflies turn sharp reminding her of the situation, cutting up her insides. She’s in love with the girl she considered home, a lover that was everything without the title, a girl who is now her enemy. The thought makes her throat close up, a heartbroken sob waiting to come out.  


There’s nothing she can do now, Catra had made her choice. So did Adora, in a way; she’s in love with the enemy and she can’t hold back anymore, even if the thought of having to fight leaves her heart aching.

Adora doesn’t really know how she’s going to react when she sees Catra again. The thought of it scares her.

**Author's Note:**

> haha oops
> 
> go yell at me on twitter @s4ppho or tumblr @gnarlylover if u want so I can apologize lmao


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